Bloody tears I’ve lived without thinking…

Bloody tears I’ve lived without thinking about anything I burned my life, as best he could, all his powers Not remembering his past, I destroyed your future According to relatives that night, the night I got drunk and got behind the wheel Ended up in the end, the accident and death of a sitting on the next seat I really don’t remember, don’t remember what I felt about her, I don’t remember how did it for me… Then I was broken and in a coma When I left, I didn’t understand how to hold a spoon, I didn’t know his name And Yes… I don’t feel guilty about her death, I Often I’m a moral monster And sometimes I that I could kill without regret, Maybe it’s all just the consequences of the accident? I drown these thoughts with alcohol, loud music in clubs and recreational drugs… But sometimes I try to remember her, and suddenly I was in love with? But only headache is my answer I made, well pieced together, after numerous operations, only a few ugly scars, but how assured the doctors, soon they will become invisible Like hail – left to live for, but something bothers me like I waited for the reckoning worry, although experiencing longer mother, father cold towards me, but due to the fact that I don’t know how it was before, don’t worry iza this, take for granted the Father of a very powerful man, he’s overly bossy That’s just his power, he loses coming home, the wife the authority she once helped to put his business back on its feet, and the father pays her due respect I often catch him looking at me and I feel that he hates me, not such a son for himself, he wanted to… twenty-one I gained nothing but emptiness Mother drags me by my psychologists, I’m tired of the many questions I’m tired of caring I’m tired of the lies, because I feel her with his rotten gut Today, I again took the drug, but not in the club, and in his room From the loud music bursting head, the silence much more pleasant, even though it can not hide the painful thoughts, I was lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, body relaxed, slightly shivered, hands go large goose Suddenly heart pain stung, and I felt a sudden fear, a sense that the room I’m not one swallowed me It’s all the drugs – I thought, with his eyes closed But felt someone watching me, I jumped up and saw her She stood leaning back against the opposite wall, she… she, the girl who died because of me, the girl I remember, She looked horrible, even wrong, disgusting, appallingly Long black hair, which tangled pieces of skin and meat, punched the head, put on display a part of the rotten brain Gray translucent skin through which the blue veins, cracked, dried the lips, wry mouth apparently due to a broken jaw And eyes like a lively, , bright blue with long black eyelashes Potatoe long dress exposed the rotting flesh, the rib was sticking out of the scorched hole in the thin material I was looking at her with bated breath, no doubt – is she Her name was Lily, many times I came on her social network pages she was only seventeen… She quietly walked up to me, but not the steps, and seemed to move through the air without stepping on the floor my mouth was dry, and I trembled all over, heart was beating so often that it even became painful, I had no idea that it is possible to experience fear so strong My legs were shaking and I didn’t understand from fear or from the cold She approached me closely, I could see her terrible injuries, which were swarming white maggots I couldn’t scream, and does that make sense? You don’t remember anything… I’ll help you Start over – she whispered and touched his broken lips of my After that I only remember a dream or not a dream was it? Like flashes of memory gave the storm I was her and saw himself from the outside, I felt what she felt Now, she is at a party in her dress, black hair covered her shoulders, and blue eyes Shine She is glad to see me, I like her She thinks I’m and kind… yeah, I’m flattered She was so very happy that I approached her that night said her many compliments and witty jokes, fun We went outside, holding hands, I invited her to explore the , and she only smiled At this snippet, I woke up, I realized that sleeping on a cold floor In a room suddenly gone father, he was drunk, it was still dark, apparently he came back He looked at me like a creep, like a jerk I stood up and swayed, but he only piano and grinned evil – You hate me? – I asked – For what? Tell me! The father grabbed his head, it seemed from the howl of pain in a moment, And then he screamed – You were mine I loved you! But you’re a monster, you murderer! And you’re an extension of me… the father was crying, and I couldn’t stand it and ran out of the room, grabbing the keys to the car I was driving at high speed, it is distracted In my head was confusion, I didn’t realize that the chaos in my life is growing and soon will suck me and Suddenly I felt that no one look in the and everything inside me went cold in the backseat she sat, a moment later her face came closer and I saw that her grey cheeks are tears of blood Fear, an indescribable fear and shock… a Mountain of crumpled metal and unbearable pain of my mutilated body And again the memories, not mine – her Lily refuses to go with me and I spoiled his father’s money and permissiveness, like mad, plus acted drunk alcohol hit In the head with adrenaline and rage She’s hurt and scared, I grab her by the hair and dragged into a car, thrown into the back seat She was afraid to scream, she is afraid to convulsions with mere lip whispers to me – let go… What I did with her then I don’t even want to describe all I can say is – it was barely alive, bleeding to death, and I understand what is happening, deciding what to do with it, I decided to take her into the woods and to finish off, we had an accident on the road… She died even before it happened And I survived and I’m alive and now I feel all her pain, she gave her pain to me Now will not save me money, not father nor my indifference to life I’m ugly, both inside and outwardly, My body cannot recover even if you do thousands of operations Terrible burns and scars adorn his amputated legs, bald head and returned the memory, I spent hours drawing her, those bloody tears I dream every night But still I’m happy for her – she could be freed, leaving me with their pain for years to come, because, as I already , I’m too weak and pathetic to take his own life scares Me, the idea that after death I will experience the pain much more tangible…


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